Neighbors, Funerals, Mice and Friendship

My sweet, kind neighbor died on his 70th birthday. We got the call and watched the cars come and go all day. It was a quiet home-going, but all of us in the surrounding homes are gonna really miss Tom. The funeral last night was a wonderful reminder of his steady, faith-filled life. This morning has dawned as one of the most beautiful of the summer and the private family burial is happening up in West Bend in about an hour. I woke up praying for the family and thinking of how much I miss my own mom.

It has been a year since we knew she would not be with us much longer. The weather and season are strong reminders of the swirling chaos of last August. The ache of missing Patty McMullan felt overwhelming when the door bell rang about 8am. I was all dressed for the day (kind of surprising) and answered the back door wondering what could possibly be up.

Barb walked in all out of breath, we hugged and I cried for missing my mom. Then Barb reported her reason for the unexpected early visit. She had discovered three dead mice in her washer. She was really looking for Lee who had already gone for the day, or Drew (my 23 year old who loves critters of all sorts). Oh well, Drew is out of town and unavailable for mouse removal duty.
Guess who that left for the accomplishment of the job? YEAH... me.

After 24 years as my neighbor, a night of sitting together, sharing kleenex and stories at Tom's funeral, and a myriad of other friendship building experiences, how could I say 'no' to this small expression of care? Barb has bailed me out of many troubles and now it was my turn to do the same. You have to understand that this is one tough lady who faces all sorts of harsh circumstances with incredible resolve. Barb's husband is essentially house bound after a fall in the yard a few years ago. She handles all the demands of caring for him and the house with incredible commitment and tenacity. I can only hope to be such a faithful wife. Barb meant it when she said her vows and she is living it out in front of me. "In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death do us part"

So mouse removal was part of my morning. Their four little carcasses are in an ice cream bucket at the bottom of my driveway ready to be taken with the trash to the landfill today.

When I woke up today and prayed for the Lord to order my steps, give me a heart to follow close after Him and hear His voice, mice in the washer were not part of my plan. Sometimes love in action looks completely different than my lofty ideals.

Thanks for the lesson, Lord.

Matthew 22: 34-39
Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind'. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
 

Old Friends

Yes, Old. As in lived a long time, almost ancient. Or maybe it is just that we have known each other so very long that our children have grown up together and think we are elderly.

One of those kids is marrying the end of July. And tomorrow we will gather the ladies to give the new bride a wedding shower. Gifts, stories, advice and prayer. It brings back memories of those younger days when we prayed for this baby boy (the groom-to-be) while his mom was expecting him and on bed rest. Our friendships began before the children arrived and we have ridden the roller coaster of parenting together. Old friends.

Years ago I found a birthday card that said, "you know we are old because I can remember when your couch was new".
I know we are old because my husband did the wedding ceremony for the new bride's parents!

And now Jan has come from her life in Kenya just for 3 months and will give the shower at her home in Wisconsin with me. When I met Jan, we had been married for about 2 weeks. It will be 31 years ago soon. Across the miles, across the years, across the canyons of life I have been learning about faithful, precious friendship. What joy to find time on a Saturday to laugh and open gifts and speak of God's faithfulness in our lives. I hope also to find time for a hug and heartfelt thank you.

Life Lessons

We had a visitor this week. Katie is the 4th born of 5 precious kids. I had the privilege of being there when she was born at home in West Bend Wisconsin 18 years ago. In March we said goodbye to her older brother Ben at a memorial service in Gainesville Florida. I wanted to post a short excerpt from the opening reading as a tribute to our dearly missed Ben.

Benjamin Jon McCollum
May 4, 1987 to March 30, 2009

Benjamin Jon McCollum was born at home on May 4th, 1987, in Hartford, Wisconsin. The third child of David and Tina McCollum, younger brother of Christy, age 3, and Bryan, age 20 months. Benjamin Jon means: “Son of the right hand,” “Jehovah gave.” Deut. 33:12 states, “About Benjamin he said, ‘Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.’” At age 6 weeks, Ben was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, a chronic genetic disease affecting primarily the lungs and digestive system. He immediately began receiving inhaled medications and chest physiotherapy three to four times each day to aid his lungs in clearing the thick, sticky mucus it produced and enzymes to aid digestion. Ben and his siblings grew up in a 100 year old farmhouse in rural Wisconsin at a YMCA camp. There was lots of room to roam and many people to meet and new adventures were a daily occurrence. Ben especially enjoyed dressing up and pretending to be a pirate, cowboy, or Peter Pan. The McCollum family joined Northbrook Church where Ben met many of his lifelong friends. Northbrook Church provided Ben and his family with much needed support, especially when Ben was hospitalized. The Heyward family was of particular support and their son, Drew, became Ben’s favorite playmate and friend. At one point, Ben and Drew declared themselves twins. When Ben was four, sister Katie joined the family. He also had a port-o-cath central line placed in his chest to ease receiving IV medications in the hospital and at home during lung infections. Ben was a “regular” at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin. His parents and siblings were “regulars” at the nearby Ronald McDonald House.

The service for Ben was a fitting tribute. There was a drum solo in his honor, sharing and music from his many dear friends. We heard truths from scripture and spoke of faith issues. I had the opportunity to read my own musing about my life being different after knowing him. Just thought I would add it here. A Wisconsin summer without Ben's visit is hard. So glad Katie came. So glad for memories, tears and joy in the journey.

Musings on the life of Benjamin McCollum

It started out as a family of 4. Actually two families of four both transplanted to Wisconsin. Lee and Terry, Becky and Nathan. David and Tina, Christy and Brian. The day those McCollum kids toddled into our church meeting in a school gym, I was hoping we could be friends. Drew and Ben soon joined the gaggle and 1987 meant the beginning of a life long, from the womb friendship. Of course three beautiful girls, Ruthanne, Katie, and Meg joined the wild, running crew at camp Wowitan soon enough, but summers and winters in Wisconsin were full. Full of laughter, full of trips to the hospital, full of ministry shared and diapers changed. I would like to share just a few things I learned because of knowing Ben McCollum:
1. It is possible to sit in the hospital for hours and play video games
2. Actually two boys can fit into one hospital bed and watch movies on the vcr for hours at a time. Especially if the movie is Man from Snowy River. Or Barney. Or Jungle Book.
3.Singing loudly in the car is required for all trips in a van full of preschoolers. Either the Donut Man or Raffi, it did not matter.
4. Rabbits can freeze in a Wisconsin winter. Foxes eat chickens and swimming pool pumps break, a lot. And it is possible to play soccor and basketball in an unheated barn surrounded by mountains of snow.
5. I learned from Ben McCollum that no words capture a smile but the memory of that smile can make you smile or cry, depending on the day. Or maybe both at the same time.
6.Most drummers actually start drumming in their highchairs. It drives their mothers crazy.
7. Being super smart and sick a lot and hurt and happy can all be wrapped up into one person. Even one very small, daredevil boy. Ben McCollum could have written the book about strong willed children. He was one of the most tender hearted, deep thinking, spiritual young men I ever met.
8. I learned that zoo visits are especially fun when you hear the same stories over and over and over again year after year.
9. I learned from Ben that it is possible to have a soul buddy, best friend who is loyal and true beyond all the distance and years. After Ben moved to Florida,whenever my son Drew and Ben saw each other it took about 17 seconds for them to be back singing, joking, smart mouthing like there had never been miles between them. It was a joy for a mother’s heart to watch. A rare and precious gift of a life time.
10. I learned to do therapy that included medicine, back pounding and amazing pill swallowing heroics every day, more than once a day with no skipping of any day.

Faithful, loving, diligent care so that one more day could be available for us to learn from Ben about life in the real world. Life with pain and joy all happening at the same moment. Faith and agony all swirling around us as we discover prayer and fear and the actual taking of it all to the Lord’s lap for peace that passes understanding Ben would bounce back, embrace life while looking death’s reality in the face in some measure every day. I learned to clear a port, plug in a nepbuliser, listen better and love from our friend Ben. I don’t want to forget the life lessons. I want to say thank you for them. Thanks, Ben.