Life Lessons

We had a visitor this week. Katie is the 4th born of 5 precious kids. I had the privilege of being there when she was born at home in West Bend Wisconsin 18 years ago. In March we said goodbye to her older brother Ben at a memorial service in Gainesville Florida. I wanted to post a short excerpt from the opening reading as a tribute to our dearly missed Ben.

Benjamin Jon McCollum
May 4, 1987 to March 30, 2009

Benjamin Jon McCollum was born at home on May 4th, 1987, in Hartford, Wisconsin. The third child of David and Tina McCollum, younger brother of Christy, age 3, and Bryan, age 20 months. Benjamin Jon means: “Son of the right hand,” “Jehovah gave.” Deut. 33:12 states, “About Benjamin he said, ‘Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.’” At age 6 weeks, Ben was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, a chronic genetic disease affecting primarily the lungs and digestive system. He immediately began receiving inhaled medications and chest physiotherapy three to four times each day to aid his lungs in clearing the thick, sticky mucus it produced and enzymes to aid digestion. Ben and his siblings grew up in a 100 year old farmhouse in rural Wisconsin at a YMCA camp. There was lots of room to roam and many people to meet and new adventures were a daily occurrence. Ben especially enjoyed dressing up and pretending to be a pirate, cowboy, or Peter Pan. The McCollum family joined Northbrook Church where Ben met many of his lifelong friends. Northbrook Church provided Ben and his family with much needed support, especially when Ben was hospitalized. The Heyward family was of particular support and their son, Drew, became Ben’s favorite playmate and friend. At one point, Ben and Drew declared themselves twins. When Ben was four, sister Katie joined the family. He also had a port-o-cath central line placed in his chest to ease receiving IV medications in the hospital and at home during lung infections. Ben was a “regular” at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin. His parents and siblings were “regulars” at the nearby Ronald McDonald House.

The service for Ben was a fitting tribute. There was a drum solo in his honor, sharing and music from his many dear friends. We heard truths from scripture and spoke of faith issues. I had the opportunity to read my own musing about my life being different after knowing him. Just thought I would add it here. A Wisconsin summer without Ben's visit is hard. So glad Katie came. So glad for memories, tears and joy in the journey.

Musings on the life of Benjamin McCollum

It started out as a family of 4. Actually two families of four both transplanted to Wisconsin. Lee and Terry, Becky and Nathan. David and Tina, Christy and Brian. The day those McCollum kids toddled into our church meeting in a school gym, I was hoping we could be friends. Drew and Ben soon joined the gaggle and 1987 meant the beginning of a life long, from the womb friendship. Of course three beautiful girls, Ruthanne, Katie, and Meg joined the wild, running crew at camp Wowitan soon enough, but summers and winters in Wisconsin were full. Full of laughter, full of trips to the hospital, full of ministry shared and diapers changed. I would like to share just a few things I learned because of knowing Ben McCollum:
1. It is possible to sit in the hospital for hours and play video games
2. Actually two boys can fit into one hospital bed and watch movies on the vcr for hours at a time. Especially if the movie is Man from Snowy River. Or Barney. Or Jungle Book.
3.Singing loudly in the car is required for all trips in a van full of preschoolers. Either the Donut Man or Raffi, it did not matter.
4. Rabbits can freeze in a Wisconsin winter. Foxes eat chickens and swimming pool pumps break, a lot. And it is possible to play soccor and basketball in an unheated barn surrounded by mountains of snow.
5. I learned from Ben McCollum that no words capture a smile but the memory of that smile can make you smile or cry, depending on the day. Or maybe both at the same time.
6.Most drummers actually start drumming in their highchairs. It drives their mothers crazy.
7. Being super smart and sick a lot and hurt and happy can all be wrapped up into one person. Even one very small, daredevil boy. Ben McCollum could have written the book about strong willed children. He was one of the most tender hearted, deep thinking, spiritual young men I ever met.
8. I learned that zoo visits are especially fun when you hear the same stories over and over and over again year after year.
9. I learned from Ben that it is possible to have a soul buddy, best friend who is loyal and true beyond all the distance and years. After Ben moved to Florida,whenever my son Drew and Ben saw each other it took about 17 seconds for them to be back singing, joking, smart mouthing like there had never been miles between them. It was a joy for a mother’s heart to watch. A rare and precious gift of a life time.
10. I learned to do therapy that included medicine, back pounding and amazing pill swallowing heroics every day, more than once a day with no skipping of any day.

Faithful, loving, diligent care so that one more day could be available for us to learn from Ben about life in the real world. Life with pain and joy all happening at the same moment. Faith and agony all swirling around us as we discover prayer and fear and the actual taking of it all to the Lord’s lap for peace that passes understanding Ben would bounce back, embrace life while looking death’s reality in the face in some measure every day. I learned to clear a port, plug in a nepbuliser, listen better and love from our friend Ben. I don’t want to forget the life lessons. I want to say thank you for them. Thanks, Ben.